Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
