I feel like abortions should bother me more
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
