wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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