i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
