woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
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