420 ftw
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
