Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
