haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
