Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
