I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
