just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
