I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
