I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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