I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
