Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
