Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
