oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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