Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
