and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
