At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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