i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Randomize
