Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
