I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
