I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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