glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
