This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
