Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
