I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
