just come out here and I will go home with you...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
