i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'd cum for enchiladas.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
