his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
