He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
