Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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