I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
