You smell like a Billy Joel song
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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