When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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