new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
