I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
