Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
