This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
