I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
