You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
