Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
