im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
