Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
