She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
