We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
