I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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