I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
