Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
