2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
