I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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