I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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