My nipple is on Facebook.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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